I had a post on my own blog about punishing melinda. It attracted some interest so I decided to elaborate on the subject on this website.
If you have a sub then sooner or later comes the time when you have to punish her. In my opinion the goal of the punishment it to reiterate the type of relation a Dom has with his sub. In other words the punishment should not be for the transgression a sub may have committed but  to reestablish her submission. Therefore ant broken rule or misbehaviour is only the event that triggers the punishment and not the actual reason.
Why is it like this? The reason is quite simple, in a D/s relation the Dom makes the decisions and the sub follows them. Any breaking of rules is therefore in the first place a departure of this principal that has been mutually agreed on. (the presumption here is SSC). The broken rule it self is therefore just an event that could almost be considered arbitrarily. Any other rule could have been broken and it also really does not matter which one it was. What only matters is that if left unpunished the principal of the D/s relation is in decline. And this has to be stopped and if needed reversed if it is desired that the D/s relation is to continue. Considering this it could be argued that a rule does not even has to be broken for a punishment to take place. At any time when a Dom is convinced his sub is departing from her submission and this is undermining the nature of their D/s relation he may decide to punish his sub.

Now comes the matter of finding an appropriate punishment and this should be carefully tuned to the character of the sub. Why should this be done? Why should a Dom change his ways to accommodate his sub? Also here there is a simple and pragmatic answer. His sub is, thank God, in the modern western society a free person. Not only does she not have to tolerate any inappropriate punishment, it is also in the interest of a Dom to keep the end goal in mind with everything he does with his sub. And this end goal is submission and obedience. This may not appeal to some Doms and Subs, but it is the reality. 
So now that A Dom knows that he has one more tool in his tool box to manage his sub, he can start understanding how she thinks and feels about punishment. And he can adjust or compromise his reactions to get the best results.

30/12/2011 03:10:29 pm

I love the post. But the font is a little difficult to read (maybe it's just me!). :-) Also, I don't know how to follow it. Maybe I can't because it's a website?

30/12/2011 04:18:56 pm

I agree with the font, but the visual appearance and the bowels of the website are in melinda's hands. She will answer to you, or I will prod her.

30/12/2011 05:27:15 pm

really? OK, I will change font and look into the "follow" issue, thanx for letting me know squirrel!

30/12/2011 05:29:52 pm

P.S. In the meanwhile; if you have a RSS Feed you can get updates on that for 'The Blog' and 'Picture of the Day', working on the rest

30/12/2011 06:32:16 pm

hi melinda - I figured out how to follow - I just cut and pasted the url into my profile bloglist and also into our blog reading list. It comes up just like a blog would. Sorry about the font - maybe I need glasses (hope not yet!) but for the life of me, it makes me squint to be able to read any of it! :-)

29/1/2012 06:59:24 pm

In regards to punishment, from a submissive point of view i know i need to be punished so i can move on and know that its done with rather than beat myself up about my behaviour and what prompted the punishment.

I think its also important to sit down and discuss what has happened, i know i struggle with having to explain my actions and what made me behave the way i did etc. There needs to be clear understanding of why there is going to be punishment otherwise there is the risk of resentment building up.

29/1/2012 07:47:57 pm

hi Tori and welcome!
I totally agree with you! I think it's like that for most, i mean if you don't understand why you are being punished what goor will the punishment do? You can't change what's wrong if you don't know what the wrong is.

i too can feel the need for punishment, although not as much now as i did in the beginning.
i'm a beat-myself-up'per as well though, so sometimes it's needed to let go. Always takes me longer than Sir to get past things though, punishment or no punishment. It simply takes me longer to get past things.

We all have our own processes we need to get through.
Reassurance from Him that it is over and done with is the comfort i need, even if it doesn't mean my process is finished i know that it is no longer an issue for Him and that makes it possible for me to get through my own process and move on.

Key is communication, as always.
Communication and understanding.

Again, welcome to our "place"! =)

/ melinda


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